The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
