There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
