Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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