Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
