dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
