Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
40s are totally the cure
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
