porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
