I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
