I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
