Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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