My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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