definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
