i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
