Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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