I'd wear matching sweaters with you
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
