roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
