So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
