ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We smell like vodka and hangover
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
