I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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