Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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