Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
