Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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