apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
