i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
