you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
