my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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