Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
