I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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