I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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