Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
