Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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