oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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