I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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