I will die if light touches me.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
