I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
