New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
