So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
