i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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