SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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