My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
