Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
