Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
my poor anus
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
