When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
