well you can't waste a boner
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
