hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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