I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
