i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
