A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
