I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
