I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
